i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
