Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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