just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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