You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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