but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
