Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
