I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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