my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
