WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
