Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
