she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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