The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
