I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
