I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I could fuck to npr.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
