So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
