she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
