it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
