You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
