You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
