I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
