Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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