I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
