So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
