Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
