I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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