Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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