i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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