He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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