i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just found a bag of teeth...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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