Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
