I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
