im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
