they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Text me some of your sweat
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
