it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
