I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
