Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
