He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
