Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
