I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
