just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
