I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
