You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
