You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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