I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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