I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
