Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
