make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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