His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
