I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
