You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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