Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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